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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Make 'Em Laugh

I LOVE to laugh. I'm addicted to it.
Hello! My name is Lori and I am a laughoholic!

Unfortunately...lately I haven't been laughing as much as I would hope. SOOOO, in order to remedy this...I have decided to post two of my favorite laugh-tastic things in one blog to refer to later on whenever I need a little chippering up.

1) Japanese Prank Shows

2) Remakes of Famous Songs

Happy Laughing!
Monday, August 3, 2009

The Personal Touch

Ever meet those people that are the touchie-feelie types? You know the ones that HAVE to full-frontal assault you with a monster hug everytime they see you...or randomly touch your arm for no reason at all...or want to rub your shoulders even though you KNOW you didn't shiver and you can't think of any other reason for them to get all that friction going?

I'm not one of those people.

I live with this inpenetrable six-inch bubble of personal space between me and the world. Oh...don't get me wrong, I don't go all rabid dog on someone who is a TF (touchie-feelie), but as soon as their twitchy fingers rest awkwardly on my innocent stander-by arm, I have to actually tell myself not to flinch away, In fact, you can pretty much guarantee that I'm not hearing a word of whatever they're saying because I have this internal monologue that goes off in my head upon contact. It sounds a little something like this.

'Her hand is cold. REALLY cold. Like dead-fish cold...and kinda rough too. She needs to moisturize and exfoliate. Oh No! She's squeezing now...I can feel her finger bones...'

Touching people is an intimate experience for me.
Instances in which I would voluntarily touch someone:
A) I think you really REALLY needed a hug and felt compelled to give the one-armed to-the-side-with-a-back-pat thing
B) You are a really close friend or family member and therefore have probably already hugged me before...or patted my head...or hit me (thanks lil bro!)
C) You are old (don't ask me why but I have no problem hugging old people, in fact, I LIKE to give old people random hugs - gives me the happy bubbly feeling...weird, huh?)
D) You are that special someone...you know - my sugar lump lump.

Does this make me emotionally constipated? Am I tactilely retarded? I don't know. But if you are one of those select few who have the gift of the TF (touchie-feelie), be careful around us NTFs (NON-touchie-feelie). Instead of shoulder-arm-draping us, give a friendly wave and a smile...we love that.


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Flirting 101: An Exercise in Futility

I don't flirt. No, really...I do NOT flirt. I either feel like smiling at you or I'm too occupied to even consider it, and that is the extent of my non-verbal communication with the opposite sex. I'm one of those girls that avoid random eye contact by pretending to be mesmerized by the air over your left shoulder. I know...ouch, right?

Whatever class a girl is supposed to take back in grade school to make her a master of hair flipping and toothy smiles and slow winks - I totally missed...didn't even get the cliff notes version. In fact, if I'm really crushing on a guy I avoid him like the plague because I figure he'll realize that I'm into him and I'll start acting like some smitten kitten who laughs WAY too loudly at all his jokes and stares at him all the time. Unnacceptable.

So my only option is to wait for some brave soul to approach me with some witty anecdote while I bob my head at the appropriate places. However, lately my pool of fish has either been waning - what with everyone getting married these days - or has been completely contaminated.

I digress:

I'm working out at L.A. Fitness and Mr. Trainer approaches with his usual shpiel about a free training and assessment session blah blah blah and I smile sweetly but shake my head as I mentally recite the rest of the lyrics to Shake It by Metro Station. But then he's looking at me...waiting for a response. Crap. Guess i'd better start listening to whatever it is he's saying. Oh snap...is he hitting on me? Oook. He's kinda cute...I can work with this...
Or so I thought.
The conversation ended with me suppressing laughter (and yes...it was an 'at' kind of laughter, not a 'with') and explaining how my interests in technologic primitivism keep me from owning an e-mail address...or telephone...or any accessible communications device (cough cough). I'm pretty sure that he knew I was lieing my way out of giving him my info - probably didn't help that he saw me stuff my cell into my bag earlier.

So, in order to help all you guys out there that don't know, here are a few flirting guidelines (compliments of Mr. Trainer). Take note of what NOT to do...

1. COMPLIMENTS - Avoid any and all reference to body parts! Even if you meant for it to be complimentary...don't do it. Case in point: Mr. Trainer ended up telling me that I would have major cankles if I were fat because I had legs like a Viking (What the...?!). Somehow, he thought I would find that admirable. The only exception to this rule is the smile - which can be commented on and complimented throughout the duration of the conversation.

2. PAYING ATTENTION - Shoulder surfing is not ok. That's right. You come up to a girl and instead of looking at her while you talk, you are waving at people on the other side of the room. Big no no. I mean, I'm sure the pleasure of your company far exceeds the trivial need for her to have eye contact while you tell her how wonderful you are...except, well...yea, it doesn't.

3. SENSE OF SMARTS - Don't try to impress her with your deep knowledge of tri-syllabic words. If you don't know the right word...don't use it. I spent like five minutes of my conversation with Mr. Trainer trying to tell him that 'innane' and 'innate' are really REALLY not the same thing. I'm sure he was super smart and just had a brain fart moment...but then I remember the whole Viking legs thing...

4. KISS - Keep It Simple, Stupid! The conversation should be ended before the opportunity for awkward silences can occur. Anything you want to tell her about your stellar-ness needs to wait for a first date. Up until that point, she just wants to know that you're into her in a short, charming, and/or funny sort of way. As long as you keep to this rule, the first three won't even need to be applied - leave her wanting for more...not feeling like she could write your biography.

And, so that's how I see it! I mean, I'm no Dr. Phil but these are my hard and fasts when it comes to flirting. Did I miss anything?

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Thursday, June 18, 2009


Ok, I think we can all agree that the 80s rocked. With the acid-washed, tight-rolled jeans and the ponytails that could be worn ANYWHERE on your head and, of course, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Everyone had a favorite ninja and, of course, mine was the fun-loving, surfer-slanged Michelangelo...helloo? Who didn't love him?

So, this is like my grown-up version of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle crush...may I introduce the fifth, uh...awesome dude - Marc Bartolomeo! (c'mon, his name SO works for this: Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, Raphael, Bartolomeo...) So, maybe he's not green...or radioactively enhanced...or a turtle with mad ninja skills...but his last name really IS Bartolomeo, and he is this week's HGTV COW.
He's one of those guys that started out as a handyman, turned GQ model, and then turned electrician on 'Save My Bath'. Oh, and did I mention that his nickname is Sparky? How sweet is that? He's one of two in the world that could get away with that nickname - and the other guy has a tail and is covered in fur. Anyway...I didn't really have time to do any in depth coverage on this guy since I was too busy checking out his portfolio here. And putting a fake shell and mask on him with photoshop took up WAY too much time. But I think Master Splinter would appreciate my efforts with a 'COWabunga' for Marc Bartolomeo, HGTV Crewman of the Week!


Monday, June 1, 2009

Go TREK Up From The Neck Up

Soo...Hi! My name is Lori and I am a cheez-it addict.

Whew! I'm glad I got that off my chest! I just can't seem to help myself. Whenever I go grocery shopping for my household staples...you know, JIF peanut butter...chocolate-covered granola bars...frozen edamame...I walk by the snack aisle and re-realize how much I love square cheddar cheese-flavored crackers.

I. Must. Have. Cheeze-its.

Oh look! Cheeze-its are on sale and they go so well with applesauce and chicken...I'll get a box...or three.
Oh look! Cheeze-its aren't on sale but they go so well with sandwiches and yogurt...I'll get a box...or three.
Oh look! Cheeze-its are astronomically priced and I'll have to forgo eating meat this week but they go so well with air....i'll get a box...(wait for it...) or three!!!

Yes...sad but true. It is the nature of my addiction.

But this post isn't about Cheeze-its...it's about the little nifty time-waster I discovered on the latest Cheeze-it box I purchased. Check this out...you can turn yourself into a Vulcan!!

Yessssssssssss!!!! All of my life's dreams are coming truuuuue!!!! Now all that's left is getting the fairy king to fall in love with me and grant me wings!

Ahh...sweet fairy king...

So where was I? Vulcan? Right. So....here's what you need: A mug shot of yourself - the more seriously pissed-off you look - the better, an internet connection, and nothing better to do with your time. Then skip on over and TREK YOURSELF. Sure it's creepy...but fun!


Thursday, April 30, 2009


So, I came across this fun little time-waster and couldn't help but jump right on in and spend a few minutes creating my own!! Basically, you're creating an album cover using random things. If you want to create your own band and debut album cover randomly then...

Do This:

1 - Go to Wikipedia. Hit “random” or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random The first random Wikipedia article that comes up is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Quotations Page and select "random quotations" or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 - The last four or five words of the very LAST quote on the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days” or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days - The third picture in the top row, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use Photoshop or similar to put it all together.

Here are how mine turned out...I, uh...sorta cheated on the second one...the pic was too cute to NOT use...

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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

UPDATE: The Princess and the Frog


Remember last year when I mentioned a few of the movies I was most excited about for 2009? Well, here is a little somethin' that I picked up on one of those movies, 'The Princess and the Frog'. It's an official teaser trailer that you can watch in all its glory here on Disney's home page...or just click on play below. Doesn't it look like so much fun?

It's almost ironic that we have our first black Disney Princess in 2009 after electing our first black President...it's like the perfect Cinderella story...except this one is called 'The Princess and the Frog' and...well, you get what I mean! Also, since my inner eight-year-old is still very much alive and kickin' (that's right...I still like stick-on earrings and side ponytails...hellooo? Who wouldn't?!) when I found out about yet another Disney princess movie due to come out in 2010, I just HAD to share! So...you want to hear about it don't you?

Of course you do!

Enter: Rapunzel

Another flaxen-haired, perfectly-proportioned maiden in distress? Yes please! And...one of the best parts about this movie is that it will be the first 3D princess movie...err...I'm not really sure if Rapunzel is a princess. But whether she is or isn't from royalty...I'm still excited!

Do you like 3D? I have yet to go to a theater and watch one of the recently released 3D movies like 'Monsters vs Aliens' or 'Journey to the Center of the Earth' but I really liked that Muppett one they show at Disney world...

If you DO like 3D...and Tom Hanks...and talking toys, then you might be interested to know that 'Toy Story 3' is also due out in 2010! (chorus of 'YAY' inserted here). That's right...our favorite Disney/Pixar animated film is going for another go 'round...do you think Andy will be grown up? What kind of adventures await for 3 inch high action figures?

The plot thickens!

Anyway, those are the movies I'm excited about. Yeah...they're all Disney movies (shameless advertisement inserted here) but I was inundated at a young age, so you can't really blame me - I'm just a mindless consumer. I also heard something about a movie coming out on the classic kid's book 'Where the Wild Things Are'...but I'm pretty sure anyone who knows that YouTube exists has already seen the preview.

Anyone out there have some insider information on an upcoming movie they're excited about?